For the past three days I've been saying "goodbye" to my boys for three hours in the morning while they have some VBS fun. This means that for three hours a day, for three days, it's just been me and the girls. Boy, what an awakening! We've been having nice, quiet fun. It almost seems that I have to really try and rack my brain to find things to do with my time. Of course, this isn't actually true. I still have two babies to watch over. Two smiling faces to fuss over. I guess there is less pressure during the day. Fewer stressful times when more than two babies need something at the same time. It's been quite relaxing and will be relaxing for another two days.
But it's bittersweet. I miss my boys. The chaos that reigns the mornings. I miss the noise of their dinosaurs and airplanes. It's a small taste of what my days will be like this fall, when I send Orry to school full-time, five days a week and Isaac to preschool three days a week. It will be blissful, I know that. But I will cherish our time together even more. One of the things I love about sending them away is getting them back. They hug as if they haven't seen each other in a long time (maybe three hours is a long time to a child). This is something I love about brothers.
And when they get back together, they pick up right where they left off. But today, the place where they left off must have been a fight. Smiles were replaced with whines and tears, fists and feet. This is something I don't like about brothers. Disputes over toys, food, and territory. We've seen it all. Don't get me wrong, they really love each other and have no problem showing affection toward one another. They also don't hide their feelings from each other. So when one of them is mad, the other knows it. And they really only bicker with each other. Annie seems to be left out of the quarreling. Sure, she gets bothersome from time to time, but no fighting ensues because of it. So what is it about brothers?
The first set of brothers I know about are Cain and Abel. We all know how that ended. Throughout history brothers have been at odds with each other. Conversely, some brothers have worked together to acheive greatness (the Wright brothers, the Coen brothers, the Jonas brothers...?). So how can I raise my boys to be good brothers?
In searching for a good book that addresses this, I come up short. Plenty of books exist that discuss raising good boys. Even books that are geared toward moms and the journeys they take in raising boys. But what about raising a set (or more) of brothers that grow up to appreciate each other and treat each other with dignity and respect? Maybe I'm not searching hard enough. Can you recommend any good reads that deal with this subject?
I'll continue to search. In the meantime, tell me what you think led you to having a good/bad relationship with your brother. What characteristics do you think are necessary to cultivate into our boys to help them deal with their brother for a lifetime? What advice do you have for me, the mother of two boys and one set of brothers? I firmly believe in it taking an entire village to raise a child. I believe all the knowledge we need to solve our problems can be found in the experiences and wisdom of others, if we just choose to listen to what others have to say. So let's write this book together! Or just have a thought provoking discussion. Yeah, let's just stick with the discussion. I'm starting to get used to my blissfully, peaceful days!
Well, there is The Darjeeling Limited. And The River Runs Through It, and Legend of the Falls.
ReplyDeleteAs for more bookish literature, I just love the trilogy of Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, and the prodigal and unprodigal son.
But as for modern literature, nothing much comes to mind. There was the impressive Death chapter in Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, which has to do with brotherhood. I haven't read The Brothers Karamazov. Or Death of a Salesman. Wait. The Kiterunner. I won't say it deals with brothers exactly, but it deals with a brotherhood theme perfectly.
There is the story of the seven chinese brothers.
Whenever I think of what it takes to be a good brother I just think about Trent.
I think that if you raise them right, they will inherently respect and cherish each other, as well as all others. If you teach them to be based in good morals, they will be good towards everyone, especially each other.
ReplyDeleteSounds like VBS is good practice for the upcoming months. Not looking forward to dropping my little man off at day care, but I guess it'll train me young since it looks like I'll have 8 weeks off for maternity leave. I think at that age, I'll be a lot more upset about it than he will though.
A very interesting and thought provoking blog there bonnie. I don't have much to say about being a brother, since I'm a sister, and I only have 1 brother, so I didn't watch my brothers form a relationship over the years.
ReplyDeleteWhen I talk about Trent's family with other people, I tell them how great of a relationship Trent has with his siblings. Of course, Trent has a special relationship with Troy, since they are brothers. I hope to one day have 2 boys, and I hope that with Trent's knowledge and experience of being a brother, he can encourage his boys to have a relationship much like his and Troy's. I think they have a great brother relationship, and I would love to see more like that in our family. I think Troy is about the best source you have when it comes to raising boys. Together he and Trent must have it all figured out, so maybe they need to team up and write a book!
Books are good too, all I can think of is The Tale of the Three Brothers (you know, in Harry Potter) which does not deal with the brothers relationships with one another in the least bit. I have on my reading list(for one day, in the distant future) The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. It's about 3 brothers, but I can't recommend it, since I have not read it.
I will agree with Troy on the River Runs Through It. That is a great story about brothers. Also, I believe The Royal Tennenbaums are a sibling group like your family, of 2 brothers and 1 sister (and the best friend who is like a brother) but I wouldn't go modeling your family after that one! :)
i was totally thinking of harry potter's tale of three brothers too. but, no. nicole's right. it doesn't really pertain.
ReplyDeletetrent and troy have a great relationship now... but i grew up with them and they weren't always best friends! at all!!!
we have lots of sibling rivalry going on in our home too. we try and train our children to respect and honor each other, but they still fight. i think that laura has a good point. if you teach them what is right and teach them also how to talk through their problems, when they MATURE enough to understand and relate with eachother, they'll turn out being good brothers.
raising a modern day knight is a wonderful father/son read. i don't know about mother/son or parenting brothers book though.
bonnie, you do a great job! i'm glad you're the mom to my nephews and one of my nieces. you're wonderful. this post is just a tiny proof of how wonderful you are as a caring mama. i love you!
I'll have to look into those book/movie suggestions. I'm sure I've seen those movies, but I'll have to refresh them in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI also think that with proper upbringing they will learn to treat other people and each other with respect. But I know that some children were brought up right and still there are problems between the siblings. I'm sure it has to do with individual personalities and different situations that they find themselves in. I just want to navigate my children away from these situations, where they get into arguments with each other that last the rest of their lives.
Maybe I'm too worried about the future. I hope to be around long enough to watch them grow into adults and be there to give advice and help solve disputes.
Just before I read this post I opened my daily email from Ethans scout troop leader. He is a wise enough man to know that daily emails and a few pictures of our boys keep fretting Mom's happy! Anyhow, he is away at boyscout camp in North Carolina. Aiden however, was not old enough to go. So in todays picture all of the boys wrote signs that said things like love you, miss you and held them up for the picture. Ethans said "Hi Mom, I can't wait to show Aiden the knots I ve learned" It made me smile, and happy that he misses his brother! Growing up an only child I used to pray that when I had kids I would have more than one, so they would nt be all alone. The book MamaT suggested is a good one, as is Boys Adrift. I think boys having the chance to be part a community with other males is crucial to them growing up to be the men we want them to be. Boys Adrift talks about how we ve lost alot of that interaction between generations (both genders) because of electronics. Knowing your family however, I know this is not the case in your home. Can't wait to see those sweet brothers, and little girl too!
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